One Sided

one-sided

You know in stroke victims, 

How they’re faces will droop 

They’re limbs go limp

And they’re smile becomes half a smile? 

Like your body half gives up 

Because there is no longer an established balance. 

These are signs, 

Warnings, 

Pleas 

For help

Because there is something not right. 

And time is brain. 

Because your body will literally deteriorate the longer you spend in this static state. 

Just as a stroke,

A one sided relationship  

Is damage. 

One person is perfectly fine, smiling and normal and waving,

Oblivious to the destruction occurring 

A face turn away.

While the other side is falling 

Increasingly unable to hold themselves up

With no clear understanding of just why this could be happening. 

One moment you’re fine 

And with one mistake 

You’re frozen. 

Unable to move forward without support 

While the other walks behind you, 

Often without looking back. 

You don’t know what to do,

What to say 

And how to act. 

You must relearn speech 

And normal interaction. 

You pour effort into healing and amending yet your only reward may be radio silence and false hope. 

You may be looked at differently 

And you will always be worried of it happening again. 

But you cannot let it effect your life. 

It cannot tear you down 

Or inhibit you from growing 

And breathing. 

And one mistake, one stroke will not define you. 

No matter what they say, 

Or what the risks may be, 

Your smile will recover. 

Your strength will return. 

They say that we accept the love that we believe we deserve. 

And we’re grown up knowing that we must treat others 

As we would like to be treated. 

But no one prepares you 

For the feeling of being left behind,

Of falling without a step to catch yourself.

But instilled within us is hope and the knowledge that life will continue. 

Even when you don’t accepted,

Or you weren’t hired or promoted,

Or maybe you were lead on and let down. 

And maybe that person just doesn’t feel the same way that they used to.

This 

Is

Temporary. 

It may break you down

And deteriorate your strength. 

Because time is brain. 

But you don’t deserve to lose your mind and your strength. 

You deserve so much more 

Than to be one sided. 

Stars and Strikes

stars-and-strikes

I would say that I want to be with someone who loves the stars. 

Who loves to stare into the night, reflecting shining dots into the deep colors that lead to his soul. 

I would hold his hand under mine

As we lay on our backs under 

Something much bigger than we will ever be. 

But I won’t say that. 

What I want more than anything right now,

Is to live in this moment forever. 

I want my eyes to never leave the sky,

As it is right now. 

As I stand in my driveway,

I have a feeling of absolute freedom

And I feel sorry for my neighbors

As I scream 

Because I feel full. 

This last year I’ve been hurt

Let down,

Violated,

Lied to,

And almost made obsolete by my own hands. 

But under the stars,

In this moment,

I see each constellation reflected as a different chapter.

Each chapter makes up my story, as it makes the sky. 

They’re written for everyone to see

To implore and to pick apart. 

They may judge me and neglect to listen to my thoughts and my heart. 

But in that same instant I hope I inspire wonder

And hope 

And while fear of becoming smaller than life

will always be present,

The sky is a part of our world,

Written in our eyes as we stare 

And hope and wonder

And love. 

In my eyes are constellations written.

And in an infinite sky,

I will never stop writing new stories. 

I will never cease to connect my burning lights 

Or start anew, 

Inspired by my last. 

 

You cannot let one star 

One person,

One story,

One mistake

Define who you are 

Because you are not made up of a single cell

Or a single thought, idea or action. 

You are made up of infinite choices,

Each choice a star. 

And you are forever changing and growing

Only ever shining brighter 

And louder than the last. 

Shooting stars may leave

Burning their last, dying wish. 

And you may think that you are less 

With the loss of a single star. 

And while it was beautiful 

And will not be forgotten,

You have so many more stars that stay. 

that live and give you life. 

Those are the stars you invest. 

You may give into the sudden, terrifying beauty of a flame through the sky,

But know that it is temporary. 

And that the beauty does not cease around you. 

No matter how strong the trail of a falling star may be in the dark, 

a million stars shine brighter through what was left behind. 

I could wish to share this moment with someone else

But looking at the reflections of pictures in his eyes 

Will never live up to the story I’m writing myself. 

Pulsing

img_4725

It won’t be easy
Because that just isn’t life,
Or so a wise friend said.
I’m not the easiest to hold
But I promise that if you grab my hand
I’ll never let go.
From friends to family
My heart is scattered.
Little pieces are beating all around the globe
Leaving my universe pulsing.
Alive.
The minute you take parts of your heart away
Leave the people you’ve met
Stop sharing your story
Or your name,
Your heart will fade and that beating will stop.
And while the beating hurts
And your bruises are dark and your cuts are deep,
You have feeling
You have color.

It would be so easy to give into being numb
To let yourself just not feel.
But that would be terribly lonely
And such a waste.
Because you are important.
And you are a miracle.
That is why we are born screaming
Born feeling.
Born scared and as vulnerable as we’ll ever be.
And so strong.
Strong enough to breathe for the first time
To be heard.
And as you grow up,
You should never stop screaming
And crying.
Because where there comes tears,
There is happiness.
And without each other,
There is nothing.

So I will scatter my heart.
I will share my thoughts
Give away my feelings liberally
And choose to live.
I want to make people smile.
Make those I love laugh.
And with those laughs come tears.
Because when you care,
you do it with all you’ve got.
And what a beautiful sight it would be to watch the world beat with my heart,
Scattered but strong,
Pulsing and alive.

Strength.

strength.

A lot of people say that I’m strong,
That I’m someone to look up to.
They say that I’m inspirational,
That I’m the one person they can trust.
The only problem is that in this year,
I stopped listening to them,
And I let my demons whisper in my ear.
I went from valuing my morals
To caring less and less and less.
I used to mean something to myself,
And through my heartbreaks I have learned.
I have learned that you were just a jerk,
And my body does mean something.
I’ve learned that the beauty that you see in me is no where close to the beauty I possess.
That your definition of beauty is measured by how much of my skin you can claim as yours.
I’m taking my body back.
And more importantly, I’m taking my mind back.
No more medicine, and you’re no longer my drug.
“You” are the Boys and the Bad friends who will no longer be my defining factor.
Because what is truly important is my focus:
On my faith,
On my family,
On my friends,
And on my future.
Over this last year, I would say that the “f word” is my favorite word.
Today, focus will be my new favorite.
And every word that starts with f after it.
I thought that after I lost my last love that I could no longer give myself fully to another person, to love with all of my passion again.
And I wasn’t wrong.
Because now so many people have taken little parts of my whole heart.
Instead of one person controlling me,
There are too many hands to count who wish to reach in and take their part.
And this isn’t their fault.
If a tree leaves itself exposed to the wind, different breezes will surely and slowly take the leaves from their home, leaving the branches exposed and brittle.
In the spring, though,
That tree grows its buds, blooms its flowers and bursts into its beautiful, full self once more.
Yes, the leaves will be stripped again,
But with each passing season that tree can only grow stronger and wiser.
I’m ready for the spring, and I’m ready for my flowers to bloom.
Because I know that I’ve left myself exposed for far too long,
And I’m ready for this season to truly begin
As my leaves learn to resist the wind.

Ups and Downs


When I touch the sky,

And I feel the stars in my hands, 

I can hold them close and keep their 

warm glow against my skin. 

But then the sun gets too hot in the day

and the moon smiles his apology,

And I fall back to earth and hit my head a 

little too hard. 

The ground reverberates and cold mist 

blows in my eyes and chills my core. 

I let stress control my emotions. 

I let it pull me from the stars,

As it tells the sun what to do. 

It’s the reason I fall

The reason I want to stay down. 

But when that stress looks away, 

Even for a second..

I cut the chains I’m bound with, 

And I fly as far as I can. 
I’m reunited with my dreams in my 

comforting home,

Pretending my anxiety isn’t plotting 

around the corner. 

He plans to flood my eyes and make them

 burn

He will do whatever it takes to press that 

gun to my heart. 

And when he shoots, 

He knows that he’ll win. 

I know, because his plans never change,

His mind never loosens. 

Yet I know that when he shoots me, I’ll 

come back just as before. 

Stronger and weaker all at once. 

I know that I’ll have to keep falling 

To learn to walk. 

And I know I’ll have to learn to win hide 

and seek with depression 

Without hiding. 

Or running. 

I don’t know how. 

But I know that I will. 

And I’ll get to hold the stars.

All It Takes

534

All it takes is one.

One moment,
One decision
One person
One mistake.
Or so it seems,
That a moment of something terrible
Is due to one, single occurrence.
It seems like we live in a world without forgiveness,
One that is constantly against us,
Something that has already been decided for us.
Because it is true, that in a second
So much can change.
Your friend becomes your love,
Your love becomes a stranger.
Your friend stops being a friend,
And you realize there was a time when you stopped being yourself.
But to define who you are by a single moment,
Night,
Mistake,
Is to give up.
To stop fighting for you,
And to stop fighting for those around you.
They say that your own happiness
is the most important priority in this world,
and to do whatever it takes to make it so.
But no one tells you how many sad things you’ll have to know before learning to love to live.
And in one time,
Your world will crash around you.
Fire will be everywhere, and it will burn your skin.
You will experience loss that hurts like never before,
And it will try to be the last and the greatest hurt of your existence.
But when you’re watching a scary movie,
Do you tell the damsel to open the closet door that will end her life,
Or do you tell her to run,
to hear the voice of reason.
we don’t all have someone to yell the answers at our tv screens for us,
To tell us to run or where to fight.
But that’s where we make one mistake.
One moment to lose it all.
And it’s the one moment that follows
To make the most one, important decision of your life.
Keep living.
To let the fire that starts around you turn from destruction to passion.
Let it fill you.
You will make mistakes.
You will hurt.
You die for the moments of sorrow.
But you live for the moment that follows.

Inseparable

hands holding

Linked worlds

Collide as they have never met.
One day as strangers
The next as lovers.
The bar upon which they met has now been set,
The sweat from their martini and whisky greet as the bartender watches another exchange.
Daring glances embrace with danger yet warmth,
The same that meets their stomachs and flushed face.
Never before more beautiful as she
And never before as handsome as he,
They follow each other home.
Both homes are neat and messy all in one.
Baggage lies on each floor,
Scattered boxes taped shut as long as memories forgotten.
Each choose to ignore these and rather begin to help clean.
Organizing their messes,
This fleeting meet has turned to a lasting life of opening and closing boxes.
While apart they are never seperate, slipping in and out of each other’s mind,
Giving smiles throughout the day that cover up old frown lines,
Never losing that alcohol like flush that was felt that first time.
And when they collide,
They are one.
Two minds become a single thought of hot rush and joy,
their love is motivation.
They change and feel hope.
They know their future is good and fear cannot grab them by the throat again.
Their worlds remain linked until the end of time,
Forever caressing each other on the cheek with each decision,
The other never forgetting a minute of love.
The future is uncertain, but it is good.

Well Wasted Time

314

So love is confusing,
It’s always going to be.                                                                                                                 Like the beach on a cloudy day,                                                                                                   Beautiful and disappointing all at once.                                                                                   No matter how hard you try,
You’re probably going to learn to laugh, and grow and have fun,
And cry.
And cry, and cry.
From sadness and pain
From the happiest part of your brain.
And most of all,
You’ll question it.
If it will be real,
If it ever was,
And if it is right now.
Because the truth is,
You can’t think.
Thinking will drive you insane,
To the hardest parts of your life
To times of giving up,
And times when you have to fight.
Because love will not be the same,
Every time around.
But just know that sometimes
It will make you frown.
But you have to wait for those times
Where you want nothing else
Where your thoughts belong to another,
And you feel fire,
Not just below the belt.
But in your eyes and in your heart
To your face and to your toes.
Because real love is felt,
And not thought.
I don’t want to feel
Like I’m wasting my life on one relationship after the other,
But I want to feel like I’ve at least learned. And while you’re not really a loss,
That time we spent together was.
That’s time I’ll never get back.
So please explain to me what the point of that all was?
What lesson did I learn
And how could I have possibly grown?
I can tell you I’ve gotten smaller since that weight you put on me shed
My shoulder feels lighter and the sun shines brighter,
But there’s always that cold breeze
That can make you shiver
And leaves will fall eventually and you will remember.
So what is love?
Is it wasting time,
Or instead living for the moment?
Is it a regret,
Or a promise that things can only get better?
All I know is that I can look behind me
That love is the future,
And its worth all the fees.

 

 

 

Back on Track

  
Rust ridden or silver and new

Some places visited are old,

Comfortable and familiar, 

And others are shining and digital,

Unknown and nerve wracking. 

Your family and friends wave from the rustic path, 

Yet a pull draws you nearer and nearer to what you’ve never seen. 

The aura of unfamiliar is unlike your life thus far,

And it stops you dead in your tracks, 

Though the train doesn’t slow,

And it can’t. 

You let the wind kiss your cheeks and your hand rides the air and touches the tears of the known 

As you embrace the fear that carries new hope. 
In life, it is custom the accept traditions and comfort, 

As decades wrap you in warmth. 

I find myself giving in each time, and I’ve lost the full hearted ambition and braveness I once felt to jumping onto trains and riding into the cold it brings,

In knowing that warmth will always follow. 

It is my wish to re learn and re gain passion and compassion 

To stop expecting more just because I believe I deserve it. 

To give myself to others in order to change the world 

And to let go of the pain I’ve been dealt

In order to open myself once more 

To be vulnerable,

To feel the pain of learning again. 

I wish to grow 

And be better

And to treasure all I’ve known.

And most of all, 

To give myself to the crisp air that life provides and surrender myself to the path it rides in to. 

If the train does not slow, neither will I. 

To Hear

  

If nature could speakIt would whisper on the wind

And tell of days that were triumphant 

And grand. 

It would describe the couple that kisses on the ground, 

Their blanket tussled and hand in hand. 

It would admire the squirrels that dance on tree branches. 

Their chatter bright and their eyes laughing. 

It would also tell of the heartbreak in the night

Or the joy of the day. 

But nature is silent, 

As the leaves fall to the ground

And calm as the air grows cold

Because nature fears that if she speaks, 

That she would miss a sound.